Let’s put an end to the whining about men not taking on the caregiver role. While it’s true that the majority of our elders’ caregivers are women, the percentage of men who take on caregiving is increasing.
No, I don’t have a “trend report.” I’ll leave that to massive studies that are published every few years. However, when I first became an elder caregiver, I found that my own search for caregivers to interview brought me to a 4 (women) to 1 (man) ratio–a ratio supported by several national studies. This was a bit over a decade ago. Since that time, I’ve seen varying statistics placing female/male caregiver ratios closer to 3 to 1.
When we consider caregivers for disabled adult children, spousal caregivers, and adult children caregivers, I’m not surprised by that number. I’ve reviewed books written by male caregivers, answered questions and received advice from male caregivers, heard male caregivers speak at large conventions. Some of these caregivers are doctors who have written books about their experiences, while others–most of them–are people in other fields who become caregivers because life led them into that role.
Chuck Ross brings dad home
Chuck Ross is one of those people. He also happens to be an excellent writer. His blog Life with Father, brings to light the same depth of feeling that female caregivers experience. In a recent post, Ross mused about a part of eldercare that affects most of us, but Ross, not being most people, is more aware of the thoughts. He states, in effect, that when we look at our increasingly frail parents we see our future selves. This alarms us, and makes many wonder who will take care of us during our vulnerable years? The excerpt below is from that post:
Sure, there are many other challenges in caregiving. The cleaning up–of bathroom floors, bed pads, spilled coffee, the half-ear’s worth of corn kernels that ends up at his feet whenever we have it on the cob–the following up with doctors and specialists and pharmacists, the desire to just give up and take a vacation where three solid nights of sleep might actually run consecutively. And, of course, there’s always the other big self-oriented worry: who will play my role when I’m 89? But the concern that really tightens my chest when I look at my father is, is he–his face, his body, his illnesses, his life–a mirror looking back at me from 38 years in the future?
If you want to read a terrific record of the thoughts and feelings of a male caregiver who is willing to be as open and raw as many of us women are, then you will enjoy reading Life with Father. Ross’ goal seems in line with most of us who write about our first-hand caregiving experiences. We want to help others understand the real depth of the caregiving role, and perhaps understand it better ourselves.
Let’s hear it for the men who take up the challenge, for their numbers are large.
Posted in Caregiving | No Comments »Tags: Caregiving, Life with Father, male caregiving
