What Do Caregivers Want?

So often when I talk with a caregiver, the emphasis is on the person for whom they are caring. In a conversation recently with a woman whose husband had a Parkinson’s disease, we were discussing the current rehab program and what she was doing to prepare their home for his return the following week. This was a woman who had a full-time job and elderly parents out of town who needed her assistance at least once a week. When I asked her how she was doing, she was so grateful because since her husband was rushed to the hospital, the focus was totally on his needs. Although this is as it should be, she was grateful that someone took the time check in with her.

My brother, sister-in-law, and their children were a gift to me when my mom’s health and memory problems escalated. Mom was often at their home for Sunday dinner and holidays even when my sister-in-law had increased responsibilities after it become evident her own mother was developing dementia. I know how comfortable my mom felt with them and the extra time they spent with her. I so appreciated that my sister-in-law spent quality time talking with my mom about her feelings and playing her favorite game of Scrabble. I was there often but lived over 600 miles away and I felt she provided some special quality time on a regular basis that I wished I could provide had I lived closer. When I was in town for a week or more a couple of times a year, I tried to make sure that I took some of the responsibilities over for my family to give them a break. What helped just as much is that we would talk often, shared concerns and ideas and being kept in the loop was most helpful as I tried to determine what I felt might be most supportive as mom’s capabilities changed.

Whether a caregiver is nearby or assisting across the miles, each has their own worries, concerns, and responsibilities. When I was having a bad day, I always had certain friends that I knew were only a call away and I learned to reach out to them because that is what I wanted and needed to recharge my batteries. Sometimes just letting a friend know you are there and reassuring them to call if they need to just talk, go for a walk together, meet for a bite to eat or take time out for a movie can be just what the doctor ordered.  Article with additional information: Does Stress And Overload Impact a Caregiver’s Memory?

What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other? George Eliot

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Tags: Caregiving, family, Stress